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"You know, aboutme being a better sister than a brother?" Only 'cause you're a better girl than you were a boy," my sisterreplies, before sighing. "But yes, you know? When you were a boy youwere, like, miserable all the time... As a sister, you know, I can,like, talk to you..." D'aww," I coo, waiting for Bryony to put on her jumper and jeansbefore giving her a tight, loving hug."Yes, yes, okay!" Bryony protests as she wriggles out of my hug. "God!That's the last time I say anything nice about you..." What, you don't like being hugged?" I tease my sister, who rolls hereyes in response. "I'm sure all the boys in your year will bedisappointed to hear that..." Yeah, well, that's their problem," Bryony says as we head downstairsfor dinner.The rest of the evening passes quietly- well, the hour and a bit whileCassie and Dorothy are at their ballet class does, anyway- and Ieventually climb into bed just after 10pm; and despite the manysources of stress in my life, I actually feel calm as I. Anger and emptydepression were mine. And I feared unrequited love would be mine. Heshould call it off with Kitty. For me. Cause I sensed nothing butheartbreak there for me. But he didn't know about me.I wanted what he had. I wanted his life. No matter how terrible hethought it was I wanted it. I wanted school. I wanted home. I wantedAunt May's cooking and anger. I wanted her to care about me. Even herdisappointment and frustration would be welcome. I wanted an ex-girlfriend to worry and drama about. I wanted what was developing withKitty Pryde. I wanted the thrills of fighting villains. I wanted thefrustration of people hating Spider-Man. I wanted my life back.I looked about my prison, the camera, the curtained shower, the oneway glass, the sense of being watched, prodded and measured. I lookeddown at my female body. I didn't want this.I wanted Kitty Pryde as much as Pete. To be honest, thanks to hisdream, I suspected I wanted her more. And I'd never, ever have her...* * *I am.
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